You took me for granted. Over the years, I had built such a strong wall around my heart. And I willingly smashed it down for you. I let you fill it up completely, without thinking twice. You knew the impact that you made on me. But it wasn't enough for you. You had to test it. You should have just had faith; faith in me, faith in us. Now you're gone; but you still linger in my heart. How do I build a new wall if you're still lingering?
Tell me how to forget you. Do I just wait patiently for you to disappear completely? Or should I start laying down the foundation of the boundary? I don't even know if it is possible. Maybe I can let another in and allow him to kick you out. But will he be able to? Or will you forever be a sauntering ghost to my soul?
I feel a connection to you at the very core of my being. There's a tug whenever the memories come back... the happy ones. And before I can relish the soft pull, you stab me again with your abandonment.
I'm distracting the world with my strut of attitude and my new funky haircut; hoping that they don't notice my quaky soul. My bright convincing smile confirms everyone's suspicion that the rebellious bitch doesn't even give a damn. But every second of everyday, I'm fighting the urge to call you and beg you to come back. The hope that you, too, feel these soul- shattering jerks is what keeps this bridge from disappearing completely. I'm wishing that you'll pick up the phone and show me that I'm not the only one feeling these aftershocks. I want you to come back before I give into the temptation of calling you back. Because I can't give in.
If I give in, it'll only mean that I love you more than your love for me. I tried so hard to get you back. Now it's your turn. And all I ask is that you try once. But you aren't trying one bit. You have more love for your ego and pride than for me. That's how I know there is no point in my trying anymore. You ruined us by your inability to act true. There is absolutely nothing attractive about a coward. Would a commitment to true love really be so damaging to your ego? Just stop your act. Come out of play. It's time for reality and truth.
I'm glad you have a place to completely let yourself express your feelings. It's hard to be a girl sometimes. We really need vents like this. Keep writing and you'll feel better.
ReplyDelete